Last night I had a very vivid dream about Hoolet. It was one of those where I did not want to wake up because I knew that she would not be there if I did. When I awoke, I scrambled to remember all that I could. I know it is just a dream, but it felt so real.
I could feel her hands as she reached for me.
I could feel her heart as she made eye contact with me.
I could smell Ethiopia and her - a blend of good and hard memories flooding back to me from our previous stay.
I don't want to hold onto the images and experiences of that dream as if they were memories. We don't have memories with her... YET. But I do think that God was teaching me some things through the dream and I wanted to share them here. In fact, I think I might burst if I don't get them in writing.
That first time she touched me was amazing - but it was on her terms. She reached out to me. I feel that is important. I look forward to her initiating our interactions. This does not mean I won't hold her and love on her before this moment, but it means that first touch initiated by her will be important. I am still a stranger to her. I can't expect her to instantly love me.
Eye contact was key. All the books say that, but this dream was confirmation. Sustained eye contact will be important as we develop trust. I look at those eyes in the photos I currently have and can melt into them.
Take it slow. I was not anxious in the dream to get her to like me or to connect instantly. I was patient and celebrated each step. Each interaction was huge, but not rushed. I want to have the patience to be like that when we meet her.
With the passing of my grandmother last week, I really had something else to keep my mind "busy" as I was with her for hours on end for a week or so straight. I am grateful for the time I was able to spend with my Moeke and sad that she won't meet Hoolet until Heaven. I dream of the day they will meet and Hoolet will see her godly and loving heritage in the presence of Jesus.
I have dreams about advocating for orphans. Sometimes I do not know where to start. Sometimes I think that I have already begun. (We have had four families tell us that we played a part in their decision to adopt at some level.) Sometimes it feels overwhelming and I feel small. But last night, I felt like I need to press in a little farther and advocate. I need to be a voice. I need to use my gifts of ideas and communication to care for orphans. I'm not sure if I will do so on this blog or another, how I will go about things, or where my focus will be. But I feel compelled to at least start. I guess as they say, stay tuned.
I could feel her hands as she reached for me.
I could feel her heart as she made eye contact with me.
I could smell Ethiopia and her - a blend of good and hard memories flooding back to me from our previous stay.
I don't want to hold onto the images and experiences of that dream as if they were memories. We don't have memories with her... YET. But I do think that God was teaching me some things through the dream and I wanted to share them here. In fact, I think I might burst if I don't get them in writing.
That first time she touched me was amazing - but it was on her terms. She reached out to me. I feel that is important. I look forward to her initiating our interactions. This does not mean I won't hold her and love on her before this moment, but it means that first touch initiated by her will be important. I am still a stranger to her. I can't expect her to instantly love me.
Eye contact was key. All the books say that, but this dream was confirmation. Sustained eye contact will be important as we develop trust. I look at those eyes in the photos I currently have and can melt into them.
Take it slow. I was not anxious in the dream to get her to like me or to connect instantly. I was patient and celebrated each step. Each interaction was huge, but not rushed. I want to have the patience to be like that when we meet her.
With the passing of my grandmother last week, I really had something else to keep my mind "busy" as I was with her for hours on end for a week or so straight. I am grateful for the time I was able to spend with my Moeke and sad that she won't meet Hoolet until Heaven. I dream of the day they will meet and Hoolet will see her godly and loving heritage in the presence of Jesus.
I have dreams about advocating for orphans. Sometimes I do not know where to start. Sometimes I think that I have already begun. (We have had four families tell us that we played a part in their decision to adopt at some level.) Sometimes it feels overwhelming and I feel small. But last night, I felt like I need to press in a little farther and advocate. I need to be a voice. I need to use my gifts of ideas and communication to care for orphans. I'm not sure if I will do so on this blog or another, how I will go about things, or where my focus will be. But I feel compelled to at least start. I guess as they say, stay tuned.
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